[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Friday, November 25th, 2005|
Amelia was a girl innocent, her heart was void of pains,
til her innocence was ravaged, by men with sickened brains,
Amelia's all confused now, the word has spread about,
her world of hearts and flowers, is turning inside out.
Her friends all seem to shun her,
Though they say that nothings changed.
But its hard to miss the fact, that they're somehow not the same.
The men all whistle at her, And some make snide remarks, for rape has reared its ugly head, and left a vivid mark.
So Amelia's all confused now, the word has spread about.
And when Amelia slits her wrists, the innocence runs out.
|Saturday, November 12th, 2005|
|If anyone has comments, I would love to hear them
So, I feel guilty about getting this script for clodapin...the irony. I actually just got my university health center's doctor to call a script for clodapin. The past five years of my life just flashed before my eyes. So, the ridilin script I got from him has really helped me. I now honestly believe that ADD exists because of how well ridilin has helped me become at least academically semi-normal. I went behind my parents back to get it. I pay out of pocket for it. The only kind of health insurance I have is catastrophic, I don't have coverage for doctor visits, or dental stuff, or prescriptions, so it wouldn't really matter. Except, what if I get in a car accident, and my insurance company decides to not cover me because I didn't claim the prescription for ridilin. Now that I want to get a script for clodapin, those chances have increased. And I feel guilty, like I haven't been honest. Even though my calc teacher did recommend I ask my doctor to discuss anti-anxiety medication. Maybe I feel guilty because my parents don't agree with mental-prescription, even though they are therapists. I tried to talk about the ridilin with my mom, before I got the script, lol, and ya know what she told me to try instead....MA JUANG, freak'n the once banned Chinease ephedra. I tried ma juang and thought I was gonna have a heart attack. So I went and got a script for ridilin.
Okay, so I used to have a script for clodapin back in the day. I really liked it. It was great. A week doesn't go by where I don't reminisce (sp) about that beautiful, tranquil, warm benzodiazapam buzz. But after I got back from rehab, my parents weren't willing to let me go back to my psychiatrist, because I was supposed to be fixed. We don't really talk much about those days because that really didn't happen, in my parents eyes. All the scripts I was on were not legit. All the problems I had were just hormonal or circumstancial. And I am supposed to be hunky funking dory now. I want to fill that clodapin script my doctor called in. I want it. I deserve it. I do health things, like exersize and don't eat unhealthy foods, I meditate and drink green tea. I try to take responsibilty for my shit. I really try to take honest personal self inventories. But when I literally shake and get pale and freak out when I take exams, shouldn't I be allowed to take a clonapin before hand. Whats so wrong with that? Why do I feel ashamed for that. Well, for one I am afraid that I won't be able to get health insurance in the future because I have a script for that, and for ridilin. Insurance companies don't want clients that will cost them money. Plus, I have a heart murmor and am legally blind. The prescritions just add to it. I got the previous prescriptions from back in the day removed from my record because the guy who prescribed them to me got his liscence revoked because he didn't pass a drug test. My mom was "sooooo relieved!" She said that I didn't want all that stuff on my medical health record and that I would never be able to get health insurance with all that stuff on there. So now, I am going behind their backs and messing everything up again. If anyone is reading this and has any comments/recommendations/thoughts, I would be very grateful to hear what you have to say. Thanks
|Saturday, October 22nd, 2005|
|Your Hidden Talent|
You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.
And while this may not seem big, it can be.
It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.
You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.
Is there any correlation to the philosophy of taking "one day at a time...living today just for today, enjoying the present as a gift" and Eistein refusing to accept that the universe is expanding...to the extent that he even introduced the cosmological constant so his equations would support a static universe? I don't know. I'm just trying to understand why it took the scientific community centuries to even take the notion of an expanding universe seriously. With his invention of calculus, Newton opened the doors for the theory of an expanding universe to be a plausible destiny of the fate of the universe. So why....WHY did it take like two and half centuries later, till Friednmann came along, to actually take this seriously. There has to be a reason. Maybe people did take it seriously, but why can't I find any of their studies. Text books don't mention anything. Hmmmmmm...it has to be more complicated than this. Maybe I'm just reallly super ignorant.